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My Testimony by Steve (Prayer Partner from Middlesex). Part 1. A Journey Of Discovery Of Faith
I didn't have a Christian background - the nearest I came to a Christian service was at morning assembly at high school, which everyone took very seriously. That began to change at the end of 1989 when my Dad died after a 5-year battle with a lung disease. I was 38 at the time and although I never had an especially close relationship with Dad, I had been drawn closer to him in those five years, particularly the last two. The time of my dad's death was a very emotional one; the pain of grief and seeing my Mum every day. It seemed like a roller-coaster ride of emotion and I began to have an overwhelming desire to search for a meaning to life - to existence. What was the point of it all - to just exist for a brief moment of time and go through such heartache and pain? I remember reading about the moral case for God and the God of Creation but I didn't know what faith was and I hadn't made any connection to Christ. I began my search by reading – not the bible as I knew no Christians and I didn’t know where to begin – but other books about reasons to believe. I had been ‘sittng on the fence’ for a long time and I was ready to make a decision. One day when reading I had this simple thought … if Christ physically died and was resurrected, then he is alive now in a spiritual realm. As soon as I thought that thought, I knew – I just knew that God existed. In an instant everything ‘clicked’ and I came off the fence. However, it is one thing have a faith in God’s existence; it is quite another knowing Him and I didn’t know one could. I hadn’t been convicted. I was still to come face to face with the reality of the sin in my life and God's plan of salvation by Christ's death and glorious resurrection. The best was yet to come.
Part 2. A Born Again' Spirit and An Encounter With Truth From Our Lord and Philippians 4 The revelation that I had of a belief in the existence of God brought me no closer to Christ - or so I thought. I say that because from time to time, sin continued to manifest itself in my life. However, without knowing it, I was being drawn ever closer to Christ for the reason that I had become very aware of this burden of sin. Something had been nagging at my spirit for years and it sometimes seemed as if I was carrying around a physical weight. At the same time, I was also becoming uneasy about what I then saw as unethical issues at my place of work, which was then in a well paid job in industry. As a result, I left one well paid job for another but all I succeeded in doing was to trade one unethical issue for another one. That struggle continued for a while and resulted in me settling for lesser paid work, whilst the intervals between leaving one job and starting another began to get longer. The feeling of dejection also became intense. As the intervals between starting new jobs lengthened, so my despondency increased - all of which I hid from my wife. I well remember the day about 5 years ago (Spring 2000) when I had left another job and I was at my lowest. I had heard the true message of Christ's gospel from an evangelist a little while earlier and by now the burdens on my life just seemed to weigh me down to the point where I had had enough. Then I heard the Gospel again and the truth of my sinful nature hit me like a stone. I heard the message again of repentance and turning to Christ, to ask for forgiveness and in that moment, I fell to my knees and sobbed like a baby. My mind just turned to every last bit of trash in my life, to every harsh word, to every act of selfishness and I asked to be forgiven. I prayed it all out and there and then committed myself to Christ. When the tears had subsided, I was conscious of an incredible inner feeling of peace and the weight of all the sin that had seemed so real, had now lifted. I was also conscious of two words that had just come into my mind from nowhere: 'Philippians Four’'. Where they came from, I don't know. I didn't even know there was a book in the Bible called Philippians because I’d hardly read it. Well my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the chapter. I wept again - this time with joy for the chapter told me of my predicament and what I need do to overcome it:
[Phil 4:4-8] I had become desperately worried about the future and getting a job that didn't conflict with the values that I had come to believe in but now these words seemed to be shouting from the page ... "Don't be worried - it will all work out if you put your faith in me to guide you.
WHATEVER IS TRUE, WHATEVER IS This was the second message - I had to trust that I would be led out and I had to guard my heart and mind by focusing on what was right. I also realised that I had to continually guard against what I saw, heard and read. Not least, I had to commit to a prayer life - not when it suited me. I had to make time for God. Did I feel at peace? Undeniably yes for two reasons. The feeling of being weighed down by sin ad left me and I felt new. I also felt that I had no need to worry - that all would work out if I just trusted in the Lord - and that is what I did.
[Phil 4:4-13]
[Phil 4:19]
Part 3
Putting My
Faith Into Practice As for my struggle working in businesses where ethics counted for nothing? Four years ago I found myself gladly accepting a cut in salary and have since been happily working in the community, in education support. Within weeks of me starting to work at a school, I was befriended by a teacher who was a Christian. She led met to a small prayer group of teachers who got together every Friday morning for half an hour. Another coincidence? Until then, I had never prayed in public but I found it the most natural thing in the world to do. I also witnessed to a Muslim and a Hindu in that school. Since then, I have been studying the Word of God, reading books about the lives of Christians that testify both of the love of God and their love for Him and regularly attending an early morning said Mass on Sundays. I just can’t speak enough of the Lord my God. ________________________________________________________
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